I think my overeating is a kind of hoarding

Hoarder's home, Sussex. From The Art of Keeping.

This article at Slate features a photographer's collection of images of the homes of hoarders. While reading it, and the reader comments that follow, I had a realization. There is a great deal of similarity between the justifications used by hoarders and the feelings I have toward food.


If it is the hoard that constitutes a hoarder, delineating his identity, the hoard could be understood as a material manifestation of his sense of identity and sense of self-worth. (Related to the Ogham of fresh or healing wounds on a cutter's arm? The obsessively organized table-top of a compulsive?)

What we say to the hoarder: "Why don't you throw that junk away?"

What the hoarder says, thinks: "Junk! It isn't junk! It has a use and a value! For you see, I am capable (as when I am able to employ objects to their special purpose) and discerning (recognizing value where you overlook it) and disciplined (resisting the thriftless urge to get rid of useful things for the sake of, what, some arbitrary commitment to 'cleanliness"' and "'order"'). I am a good and resourceful and caring person. You can see how caring I am. Look at how I care for all this treasure that you would just throw away."

What we say to the overeater: "Why don't you just throw those leftovers away?"

What the overeater says, thinks: "What, and see them wasted? Waste is a crime and an insult, and I won't have any part of it. The work that went into preparing this food, into fostering the economic and cultural and logistic systems that transported it from its place of origin to its place of consumption... how can I sneer at all that, say I'm above being grateful, and pitch it in the bin? Oh you sinners of ingratitude and gluttony. You just don't appreciate what you eat."

I think that as in the case of hoarding, overeating is about the pathological dominance of virtues which in moderation could only be counted to the credit of the possessor. When those virtues are extended into extremity, the relationship between self and values becomes one of defense -- let me not be lacking! -- rather than aspiration: let me be good, and to be yet better.

Now that this comparison between hoarding (a pain of my childhood) and overeating (a pain of my young adulthood) has occurred to me, how obvious it seems. How quietly embarrassed I am not to have seen it before. The search results when I look up "hoarding + overeating" suggest that many people are making this connection. Funny that I'd have been blind to it.

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This post at Gawker's Groupthink, "Life hacks for the depressed amongst us," seems relevant. The author includes the following advice:

Look, I know, environmentalism is super important. I consider myself a bit of a hippie. But when I have to choose between expending my energy on just making it through the day emotionally or doing dishes, guess which is my number one choice! Buuuuut...there is a way to go easy on yourself without resigning to a life lived in filth.

I find it very easy to transpose the terms related to "depression" with terms having to do with the neuroticism underpinning overeating:

Look, I know, aspiration is super important. I consider myself a bit of a perfectionist. But when I have to choose between expending my energy on just making it through the day emotionally or making sure every bit of food is used efficiently, guess which is my number one choice! Buuuuut...there is a way to go easy on yourself without resigning to a life lived in a state of constant self-flagellation.

Food for thought, all this.

Recommended related reading:

• The book Coming Clean by Kimberly Rae Miller
• Photographer Paula Salischiker’s project, "The Art of Keeping" (or follow her on Facebook)
• The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller (h/t Julia Ackerman for this recommendation)