Post-Thanksgiving recovery, Day 1

Breakfast: a meal of bitter herb and salt tears. Just kidding. But really, the night before I had Second Thanksgiving with the sister-in-law and her husband, and went nuts, capping off four days of going nuts. So I was glad to skip a meal. I drank water, and meditated repentantly.

Lunch: two fun-size bags of M&M's Milk Chocolate Candies: 150 calories.

Dinner: Snack upon arrival: crackers, cheese, and pepperoni. The meal itself: Thanksgiving leftover meal of ham, yams, mashed squash, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, and green bean casserole, in a take-out container so I know it totals 1 meal ... plus 1/3 of Jenna's same. Half a cream horn pastry for dessert. Let's say 2,000 calories all told. That's a lot. And not because I was achingly hungry; just because I was inattentive to how quickly the shoveling and munching was going. Sigh.

Friday.....

... and I'm back to paying attention to what I jam in my gob-hole, thanks to a nudge from a friend who's being supportive.

Breakfast: a Mary Jane peanut butter taffy, shared with the dog: 25 calories.

Lunch, a Bacon Clubhouse Burger from McDonald's: 740; large fries (ordered thoughtlessly, rather than impulsively):510; diet cola; a pumpkin pie: 240 calories (the second pie, offered for only a few cents more, I declined; for that, at least, I was mentally alert).

Total so far: 1515.

I ask myself at 1:27 in the afternoon: WILL I BE ABLE TO AVOID GOING OVER 2K for the day?

Let's see...

LATER: Okay, the night was a bust. J and I went on a date to Legal C Bar. We didn't eat extravagantly, but of course we blew past my daily limit.

(My decision not to record the particulars of this evening's dinner is short beer compared to my decision not to record Wednesday evening's dinner at Alden & Harlow with Ryne. Among the dishes we enjoyed: a "Pilgrimage" cocktail, duck heart spiedino, smoked beef tartare, fried brussels sprouts with a cheese sauce, diet Coke, roasted Japanese yams, a rum-based Beachcomber's Punch, pickled corn pancakes, pork belly, a chocolate bread pudding. THIS was an extravagant meal. It makes me want to get this diet business locked down, so that I can enjoy this kind of indulgence from time to time.)

Tuesday when I ate my lunch for breakfast

Lunch Breakfast: baloney and cheese sandwich on white bread with mayo, 300 calories. I drank water.

Snack: one Butterfinger cup, 115 calories. One execrable Hershey's Candy Corn Creme Bar: 67 calories.

Dinner: reheated Chinese food -- orange chicken (300 calories), beef with broccoli (120 calories), a little lo mein (210 calories), a little pork fried rice (300 calories), three crab rangoons (210 calories), a few spare ribs (180 calories). Diet Coke to drink.

Total for the day? 1802. And yet, I feel super gross. Hmm.

Back on the horse.....

... after a long break from thinking carefully about what I'm eating.

Breakfast: Chef Boyardee pasta, 190 calories. A bottle of diet Mountain Dew: zero calories, zero shame.

Snack: Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkin, 85 calories. A bottle of diet Mountain Dew: zero calories.

Dinner: Knorr Smokehouse Bacon Parmesan pasta side, split with J: 250 calories. A chicken breast sauteed in olive oil with thyme and lemon, which is, and I did not know this, about two servings of protein: 230 calories. With three slices of Gruyere cheese: add 250 calories. Green Giant Steamers Healthy Weight Vegetable Blend, split with J: 100 calories. Diet Pepsi to drink: zero calories.

Bonus dinner! Jenna came home with leftover Chinese food pilfered from her parents' fridge, and I'm not proud that I was very glad to tuck in. That means I have to add to my daily total: 1 egg roll, 157 calories. Two pieces of battered fried chicken, without the usual sweet-and-sour sauce: 300 calories (!). Half a cup of chicken lo mein: 140 calories. A teriyaki beef skewer: 210 calories. One fried shrimp: 40 calories.

Total for the day: 1952 calories. Holy hell, those calories pile up quickly! I thought I'd had a day of rather low consumption. This number check is a very sobering way to get back on the mindful eating wagon.

Hungry hump day

So I've been strongly encouraged to lose 30 pounds this year, as a start. If I can drop that weight, I'll be eligible for a different class of drug dosage, one that will help me considerably in arguing with my insurance provider that this medication should be covered.

In the past thirteen days, I've lost ten pounds and gained back five. Not that I'm doing anything reckless, starving myself: that's just the magnitude of the kinds of change I have historically seen when I'm focusing on losing weight. The number on the scale this morning was 254.4.

Today is Wednesday, so that's a fast day. Not for dietary reasons, but as a kind of moral practice. On Wednesdays I try not to eat during the day, as a way of sharpening my attention on matters that grow my moral conviction. Today, I'm going to be thinking about race -- for when I got to work, there were racist flyers posted on the sidewalk outside the office. Every time my body reminds me that I haven't eaten, that'll be the thing I remember. The disciplined hunger is the red string around my finger, reminding me not to forget something. 

Post #101

Weight at wake-up: 251.7.

Quick breakfast at 6 o'clock, of a small bowl of peanut butter and cocoa spheres (a Market Basket store brand cereal) and skim milk.

Brunch with the church folks, at State Park (since the wait at The Friendly Toast was too long for any sensible person): three cups of coffee with half-and-half and Splenda; a glass of grapefruit juice with Campari; and the Urban Lumberjack breakfast plate, consisting of "porkchop pancakes" (two flat pounded porkchops, dipped in pancake batter and cooked on the griddle) with butter and maple syrup, topped with two fried eggs over-easy. Really scrumptious.

Back at home for the afternoon. Snack: two wedges of Laughing Cow Creamy Queso Fresco Chipotle cheese. Or, "cheese." On Italian bread. Also finished off the leftover pasta from last night, which didn't amount to more than a cup of food. Diet Mountain Dew was dranked.

For the evening, we decided to get out in the world. We went to the movies and saw Pitch Perfect 2, and laughed and cried in the way emotionally manipulable people do. Relevant to the purpose of this record, we got concessions: shared a slice of buffalo chicken pizza and an order of pretzel bites with nacho sauce ("cheese"), and each had a medium diet cola.

Got home around 9, and it wasn't more than an hour before we were once again peckish. For dinner, we finished the leftover veggie lasagna from Friday night -- a normal portion for each of us, no vegetable binge. And then we finished the sugar-free chocolate cake.

But for the cake massacre that closed out the day, I regard the day's intake as being respectable human and normal. Some indulgence, some moderation. I may be zeroing in on a sustainable dietary lifestyle. We shall see.

Turkey twice

A glass of water with lime before heading out for some errands.

After coming home with the groceries I set about making the breakfast: toast, on which grilled tomato and a smear of the refried beans from last weekend's taco dinner (which I could hardly enjoy as much as I normally would have, being in the throes of dental crisis); and a slice of deli-case turkey; and a scoop of scrambled eggs; and a slice of American cheese. Hotted up in a skillet. Diet Dew.

Lunch was a sandwich of the same bread; the same sort of turkey; more tomato and more cheese, once again hotted up in the skillet, but this time cooked in butter in the manner of a grilled cheese. Also a small cup (1/2 C) of PB & C, the Market Basket store brand cereal consisting of peanut butter- and cocoa-flavored spheres. Nothing more than transmogrified corn, of course.

Afternoon snack during worktime was celery with avocado-flavored hummus. And, alright I confess, more PB&C.

Dinner was a turkey burger steam-grilled on the stovetop, with American cheese and a slice of Vidalia onion, on a toasted bun with mayo and ketchup. Alongside, egg noodles with broccoli, diced tomato, grated pasta cheese, olive oil, garlic, and S&P. Also a bit of leftover tomato and cucumber salad in a vinaigrette. A slice of sugar-free chocolate cake after.

I drank Pepsi Max and Diet Dew throughout the day. Morning weigh-in was 256.1; egad that's a jump from yesterday. I fear there's been some GI issue related to an overabundance of ibruprofen all week...

Summer restart

The number on the scale after my morning shower was 254.

I skipped breakfast, in anticipation of my dentist appointment later that morning.

Lunch, between appointments, was an indulgence: foot-long Subway sandwich on Italian bread -- buffalo-style chicken stripes, lettuce and tomato and black olive, with light mayo and salt and pepper. Plus a bag of LAY'S® Kettle Cooked Lattice Cut Aged Cheddar & Black Pepper Flavored Potato Chips. PLUS (what, another plus?) three chocolate chip cookies; all downed with a bottle of diet Mountain Dew. Why so indulgent? It was just such a pleasure to eat without pain, and I wanted to enjoy the sensation before the morning's anesthetic wore off.

Dinner at home was my duty for the evening, after a good long recovery nap. I made a salad of iceberg lettuce, brie, and diced apple, in a light honey-mustard dressing. I made a kind of vegetable bake by layering thin slices of tomato, summer squash, and zucchini, with a paste made of sauteed chopped mushrooms and onions and ricotta, spiced with a blend of Indian flavors: curry, garam masala, really earthy stuff. Topped off with a sprinkle of bread crumbs and feta crumbles, it was really rather hearty and tasty. Also baked up some flaky biscuits, and a package of quick-cooking spiral noodles in a cheese and broccoli sauce. I dined with a bottle of diet Coke. Afterward: a slice of sugar-free chocolate cake, with NOT sugar-free chocolate frosting. (Note the replacement of the oil in the recipe with applesauce, and the substitution of one of the three eggs called for with a tablespoon of mayo, since, alack, we had only the two eggs.)

I brushed very carefully dessert.