A note to my future self...

... for when he comes trawling through these archives in a moment when it seems right to look down upon my history of food failures. I've not abandoned this project (again); instead, I chose to take a few weeks off from monitoring my consumption and weight, in order to focus instead on exercise. I've been doing weight training every other morning, and while I am sore I am also hopeful that this will lead to an uptick in metabolism with an attendant improvement in my cardiovascular outlook.

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Relatedly: remember when I tried to order a replacement nylon strap for the lat pull-down bar, and the Bowflex people responded by telling me I could place my order by phone, and how I was so irritated at the idea that they wouldn't just give me the information by email that I replied and told them that I was deaf so let's just do it by email and they DID?

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Relatedly, wonderfully: "What 2000 Calories Looks Like":

Unexpected pie

Breakfast: Two packets of plain oatmeal, with water and a container of hazelnut-flavored creamed. Water.

Lunch: A six-inch wheat sandwich from Subway, with egg white, tomato, spinach, onions, and olives, and honey-mustard condiment. With diet Mountain Dew.

In the office, in an unguarded moment, a miniature Rolo candy and a miniature Milky Way. Later in the afternoon, four or five single-stick Kit-Kat candies.

On the way to the train station to go home for the evening, I felt without warning very nauseated. A return of the old symptoms, I feared. The thought occurred to me that the candy I'd just eaten may have not settled well; and also that I should have a McDonald's sandwich, chicken or burger, to settle my stomach. Then I thought, that's a bit of ridiculous nonsense, and I saved money and dignity by buying no snacks for the ride home. Good on me.

Dinner: A large serving of "sweet-and-sour" spaghetti consisting of: 1) pasta from Sunday evening's mussels dinner, minus the shellfish; and 2) a ragu of sauteed red onion, chopped meatloaf, sriracha sauce, ketchup, barbecue sauce, and low-fat source cream. On the side, leftover roasted cauliflower. I had my plate of food, and about a fifth of J's, and something like three slices of homemade bread with oleo. Two cans of diet Mountain Dew to drink.

Dessert was four peanut butter Girl Scout sandwich cookies (two servings' worth, I learn to my dismay). AND THEN there was a second dessert, brought about when J's mother returned home from her monthly book-club meeting with a fifth of a chocolate candy bar pie. She thought it would perk J up (she was in a funk; the job is showing its strain on her... ) and she knew that I seldom am unenthusiastic about sweets. (Though really I'm just playing to type; I'd be much happier if there was not a sweet in the house.)

So we ate that. Pie crust shell, with a creamy filling made, probably, with sour cream, cream cheese, sugar or syrup. There was peanut butter in it, and a chocolate shell on top, and fresh raspberries studding the chocolate. I thought of it as a Snickers pie. (Why did that girl in my AP Calculus class give me the nickname "Snickers"? I didn't eat candy then.)

I did not weigh myself, for shame. Phoo on me.

Undressed adventure

For breakfast on the train, five forkfuls each of pulled pork, cole slaw, and macaroni and cheese. With water.

For lunch, the remainder of the pork and 'roni and slaw: maybe a pint of food.

For dinner, an undressed garden salad at O'Leary's, and a side order of green beans with butter and tarragon; and a buttered chocolate chip scone; and a butter piece of dense oat bread. With two cups of diet cola.

The salad didn't cut the mustard for me, so when I got home J gave me a bowl of meatloaf and roasted cauliflower.

Bedtime weight: 258.8.

Survival food

I've been skipping breakfasts on weekdays, but this morning I grabbed a pretzel-granola something snackbar out of the cabinet on the way out the door. I was concerned about the possibility that the car would crash on the snowy roads, and didn't want to be stuck out there in the wintry mix without something in my stomach.

A bottle of water on the train.

A mid-morning snack of a slice of wheat bread with grape jelly.

Late lunch at Panera: a small bowl of pesto sacchettini, about seven inches of baguette with one packet of olive oil mayo and one packet of yellow mustard, a small bowl of chicken noodle soup with Tabasco sauce, and a chocolate-walnut cookie. Diet cola, which made me throw up. Because I'm not supposed to drink caffeine, lest it kill me. I should pay attention to these guidelines.

Late dinner, at home: a bowl of pulled pork, mac and cheese, and cole slaw. Water.

A case of the hungry Mondays

I rose on sunbeams and had breakfast on the train: a sandwich of wheat supermarket bread, sliced deli-counter chicken breast (too old, I fear) and American cheese and tomato and mustard. This kept me going until noonish when I had lunch with the intern: a slice of wheat-dough pizza from the student union, dolloped with ricotta I think it was. And diet Dew. (And I thought, while we ate, about the time I ate a slice of pizza at My Brother's Place, gone now some years, in South Campus, sitting there in the window looking out on the street, and wondering whether the person who lived on the street there would make an appearance. I went home after eating, without having seen a soul I know. Is there anyone who waited in those days to see if I'd show up, or walk by, or stop in and invite myself to sit down so we could have a bite to eat together? I know I am vain in wishing so many times had turned out other than they did. I wish I were otherwise.)

The my brother-in-law (soon-to-be) and his bride made mussels fra diavlo for dinner, served over angel hair pasta. I had perhaps a dozen mussels, and a good serving and a half of pasta (which I myself would have taken less of, but the plate, it was served to me and beyond my power to control). Two slices of garlic-becloved Italian loaf with oleo. A can of diet Dew. Water.

Dessert was important to J, who'd had a bad day, so I made a bowl for each of us: a half-cup of chocolate chip cookie dough frozen yogurt (two small scoops), one-and-a-half Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies each, crushed, and a half a banana each.

Weigh-in: 258.6.

Too much the world is in us

J's dear friend Kristin came in from Boston by train. We met her at the station, and whisked her off to Harley House in Lunenburg for brunch. I spoke about the purpose of the thread tied around my wrist, and then completely ignored it as I ate and ate. I had three mini-bagel halves, with boursin, salami, raw onion, capers, and ham (canapes, I mean -- I didn't pile up the cold cuts), and a half-cup of grapes, and a slice of pecan pie and a bowl of bread pudding (each of which had a half-cup or less of ambrosia salad on top; I'd thought it was whipped cream!), and a poached egg over corned beef hash, three mugs of decaf coffee with calorie-free sweetener and milk, half a cinnamon roll, a quarter of a chocolate cupcake with penuche or peanut butter frosting (I don't know which -- mostly, it was tastelessly rich, like Mitt Romney), two corn fritters with maple syrup, and oh, I don't know, other things. Gross.

We spent the middle part of the day preparing ourselves for engagement photos at Cogshall Park. This process started with the girls stewing in the hot tub for a while to take the edge of brunch off (I guess?); I brought them a tray of beverages, and a bowl of dried cranberries and candied ginger. Which they declined, but which I sampled. So that's lunch. I also had water.

After the photo session at the Park (yes, it was cold), we went to Marge's house for boiled dinner in celebration of the holiday. I had, oh, four small slices of corned beef (and a rind of fat, some tablespoons' worth, off the meat in the roasting pan, when no one was looking), and four small slices or so of Zak's Own soda bread with cranberries and raisins, smeared with Zak's Own honey butter, and a serving or two of potatoes, cabbage, parsnips, and carrots. I drank water with the meal because, you know, I'm trying to stay healthy. Dinner was green-colored cake with green-colored frosting -- the cake had walnuts in it. I had my slice, and a second slice which had been brought to the dining room on the erroneous assumption that Joe was going to break his Lenten ban on desserts.

That evening, I had some diet Dew and some more ginger, at homem unwinding with the girls again (my gal, and her pal) in and around the hot tub.

My weight at turn-in was 262.2.

Up again.

Breakfast was one and a half eggs (Jenna and I shared three), scrambled in olive oil with thyme and a half a cup of shredded 'Italian blend' cheese, served over a Pillsbury biscuit and half a mashed avocado (Jenna and I shared one) and a half a banana (Jenna and I shared one) cooked on the stovetop in a little brown sugar and butter. Also about a quarter cup of leftover salad, just absolutely dripping with dressing.

Jenna and I shared lunch, as well: a Cool Ranch Doritos Locos taco (beef) from Taco Bell, and a 'cantina' chicken burrito, with diet cola. And oh yes, when we got home: I had myself a sandwich of wheat bread, tomato, two slices of reheated pot roast, horseradish, and American cheese, and I ate the crust of Jenna's slice of pizza.

I had a berry-something Girl Scout cookie in the afternoon, while baking soda bread for tomorrow evening's holiday dinner. 

Dinner was another use-it-up leftovers meal. I boiled two white potatoes, and mashed them with horseradish cream, sour cream, and a bit of oleo. I reheated the rest of the pot roast, and served it on a piece of leftover corn bread. I found some snack-sized carrots in the fridge, sliced them thin, softened them in the microwave, and then tossed them in a splash of vinegar and a spoonful of the honey butter (a container of which I'd made and was keeping in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner, to go with the soda bread). 

Over the course of the day, I probably had five cans of diet soda. 

Evening weight: 260.2.

Another cow has died.

Friday. Breakfast was a bowlful of mashed potatoes, peas and mushrooms, and rotisserie chicken, leftover from the night before.

At a meeting with an author, I had a cappuccino with Splenda, and a bottle of Pellegrino water.

For lunch with the intern, I had sweet and sour Chinese chicken with white rice, and a fortune cookie, with water.

Dinner at the pub was a cheeseburger, rare, with American cheese, and French fries, with diet cola.

Bedtime weight: 558.8.

Surprising development

Weight before bed: 256.6. Hmm.

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Breakfast: two packets of plain instant oatmeal, with water and one single-serving packet of hazelnut-flavored coffee creamer.

Lunch: A crispy chicken snack wrap from McDonald's with honey mustard dressing; a small diet cola.

Dinner: Rotisserie chicken (two servings), with buttered mashed potatoes, Caesar salad, and peas-with-mushroom-pieces, along with a cup of chicken w/broccoli and ravioli from the previous evening. To drink, water.

Dessert: A slice of red relvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

To hell with you, crackers

Breakfast: About half of the previous evening's Pillsbury country Italian loaf, 450-500 calories worth. Good lord, why did I look that up. With about a dozen cubes of pepper jack cheese, from a bag I found in the fridge at home, and smears of Concord grape jelly I found in the fridge at work. With water.

Lunch: A sleeve of wheat crackers from Trader Joe's, which come to about 550 calories. (How non-intuitive that huge calorie count is.) With grape jelly, and eight or so cheese cubes.

Water on the train home.

Dinner: Cheese-filled tortellini, with pan-cooked breaded chicken breast and broccoli. Two helpings, really. Also a slice of "Texas-toast" garlic bread. In bed, about a half-cup of chocolate chip cookie dough.

Weigh-in for the night: 560.2.

Damn these cookies.

Breakfast: Whole wheat bagel from Breugger's in Kenmore Square, with egg white, cheddar cheese, and sun-dried tomato spread. A decaf coffee with 1% milk and Splenda.

Lunch: Leftovers -- a Pillsbury biscuit, a cup of corn & rice, five inches of kielbasa sausage. Water.

Dinner: By an act of kindness, a plate was waiting for me in the fridge when I got home after taking a later train. Three slices of pot-roast, two small baked potatoes (with about one and a half tablespoons of butter, he said weakly), and three-quarters of a cup of mixed frozen veg (though this was mostly carrots). For variety, one leftover crab rangoon. A can of diet cola; a can of diet Mountain Dew.

Water.

In bed, seven or so (!) miniature chocolate-frosted sugar cookies, from Hannaford's. No doubt they are basically little morsels of fat.

Weight at turn-in: 259.2.

What weekend?

Don't ask me about the weekend. There was no weekend.

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Breakfast: about three-quarters of a sleeve of wheat crackers from Trader Joe's, with Concord grape jelly, for breakfast. With water.

Lunch: tom yum pad thai with chicken and shrimps, at Noodle Street. Water; lots of water.

Dinner: about three-quarters of a tater tot basket at the Lower Depths, shared with the ravenous Jenna and the rapacious Kristin. With a diet cola.

And that's it.

Weight at turn-in: 259.5.

Ugh.

Breakfast: a cup of rice with peas and mushrooms, in that familiar cream of mushroom soup gravy. A bottle of water.

Lunch: Two portions of cod piperade. A cup of bowtie paste with ham and peas, in a cream sauce. A scoop of broiled vegetables: cauliflower, broccoli, and green beans. A few tablespoons of cooked beets. Half a chicken breast (with skin), with adobo seasoning. Eight ounces of non-diet cola; two glasses of water. A chocolate cupcake with creme icing. A chocolate chip cookie.

A miniature Butterfinger candy.

Dinner: Two slices of pizza with mushrooms and peppers, each with a soupçon Frank's Red Hot. Water. Two two-bite miniature pecan pies. A half cup toffee-something frozen yogurt.

Weight at bed: 261.

With a lazy stop at McDo's

Breakfast: A bowl of Life cereal (brown sugar flavor) with 1% milk.

Lunch: A cup and a half of left-over rice pilaf with peas, with some cream of mushroom soup gravy. A slice of pizza with sausage and peppers. A bottle of water.

A miniature Butterfingers candy.

Dinner: #14 on the McDonald's menu: Mushroom & Swiss Angus Burger, fries, diet cola. Jenna had a fifth of my sandwich.

At home, before bed, three-quarters of a cup of apple cobbler (baked a few days before in the slow cooker, by combining canned apple pie filling, butter, and boxed cake mix). More water.

Weight at turn-in o'clock: 259.6.

More mere drudgery

Breakfast, by my lonesome while I thought about Jenna leaving me at the train station and going back home to go back to bed for a half-hour or so, by her lonesome: A sandwich of two slices of white American cheese, a smear of butter, and a tablespoon of grape jelly, on garlic focaccia bread. With water.

Lunch, with Robert Morris: Five thin slices of "herbed pork loin"; a salad of beets, peas, lettuce with red cabbage shreds, and shredded carrot, with fat-free ranch dressing; a "Moroccan-herbed" chicken breast; and a cup of roasted vegetable. Two glasses of diet cola, and a chocolate chip cookie.

Dinner, with Matthew Kelsey: A bowl of fennel soup; a salad Niçoise (with tuna salad puttanesca, rather than a hunk of solid meat), two glasses of diet cola.

At home, before going to bed for a few hours, a glass of water and one and one-nibble's worth of tiny store-bought pecan tarts. Not bad, today.

Weight before saying goodnight to the day: 260.5.

Back on the horse again.

A sandwich of two slices of white American cheese, a sachet of mayonnaise, and a tablespoon of grape jelly, on garlic focaccia bread. With water.

A brace of animal crackers.

An 8-oz bottle of water on the train.

A half-cup of left-over braised Brussels sprouts, cooked with bacon and onions.

A serving of left-over cornbread with butter.

A whole chicken breast (skinless), cooked with cream of mushroom soup and served over rice pilaf and peas with mushroom pieces.

Two servings of salad with Caesar dressing.

Three-quarters of an eclair.

Two glasses of water.

Pounds-per-square-Zak at light's-out: 261.